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The Descendants

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Any number of apologies are made to loved ones in a coma: anniversaries forgotten, holidays put-off. Not so much is said in return. When you’re in a coma, no one expects you to apologise for anything, even when you ought to. I suppose that’s the upside.

Alexander Payne is a better producer than he is screenwriter, but no body of work that counts Election and About Schmidt amongst its number can be dismissed as trivial. Nonetheless, The Descendants is Payne at his most tired. The film hinges on the performance of a charismatic lead at his most subdued, and what it lacks in energy, it fails to make up for in memorable catastrophe. Step away from the usual award season hysteria, and one thing is clear: no one will remember this film in a year’s time. If it somehow stumbles its way to an Academy Award next month, then it will have done at the conclusion of an incredibly mediocre year in cinema.

Except, it has been anything but.

What we have is a case of mismatched expectations. In different circumstances, The Descendants might have been briefly diverting, and maybe it still is. Considerably more than that was expected of such a cast. George Clooney stars as Matt King, a family lawyer from Honolulu. Together with his extended family, he is the trustee of an estate spanning some 25,000 acres of idyllic Hawaiian coastline. As originally conceived, such a paradise was to be passed down in perpetuity, until a change in law forced its sale. No surprise, then, when a previously-horizontal King is suddenly taken to thunderous outbursts toward the tropical preserve he calls home. To wit: “Paradise? Paradise can go fuck itself.”

It isn’t clear what came first, the sadness or his wife’s speedboat accident. What is clear are that such feelings come second to those of his troubled children. The youngest, Scottie, spreads rumours about a fellow classmate having returned from summer vacation with a thicket of pubic hair. 17-year-old Alex once nursed a sizable drinking habit, only nowadays she restricts herself to mere adolescent detachment. Separately or together, their troubles exist only as long as the introductory dialogue lasts, never to appear again. Their comatose mother has a more appreciable concern: not only was she having an affair at the time of her accident, she was preparing to file for divorce. See, those are the type of bedside conversations that could use a reply or two.

Matt uproots to the nearby island of Kaua to find the other man in his wife’s life, while juggling a $500 million land deal and blundering attempts to reconcile with his daughters. The overriding tone is of Sideways, the morning after. Payne once again mines his pet themes of adultery and discontent, only to emerge with little of character. If anything, he simply appears bored. It’s a feeling that runs throughout the picture, in nearly every miserable frame. Everything is dialled down. After two hours of scant consequence, even Hawaii starts to look drab.

A dull movie is little better than a bad one, and oftentimes considerably worse: at least the turkeys are memorable. What of The Descendants will inspire conversation? Not the tired plot or barely-there characters, certainly. Not even an inevitable confrontation between husband and Pool Boy can lay claim to any kind of urgency. Such was my growing disinterest with the material that my notes quickly devolved into a series of free-association hieroglyphs. From them, I can surmise this: Clooney is quite good as the repressed husband; he waddles furiously and well. Shailene Woodley is quite good as his eldest daughter. Everyone is quite good in this quite good film, and how depressing is that? The Descendants is the kind of pleasant movie that award ceremonies fall over themselves to crown, even as it’s being forgotten.

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Real Steel

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There may only be so much you can do with a Rise of the Robots-style battle royal, but here’s a great kids movie nonetheless. Real Steel is loud and rambunctious, with more heart than most of the stories directed their way. You might be surprised to hear how much it has in common with Wall-E. Look into that dusty robot’s face and tell me you don’t see a little Pixar behind those eyes.

Real Steel takes us on a lap of the autograph circuit with former boxer Charlie Kenton (Hugh Jackman), only he’s not the star attraction: his 1000lb robot is. The year is 2016 or so, and the sport of the day is boxing between hulking great machines. Some are brawler types, subsisting on a diet of no-holds-barred underground cage fights, while others compete in the big leagues. What context we have is of a sport that has overtaken all others. Giant stadiums are given over to the glitzy spectacles; to the sponsorship deals that adorn the merchandise, and the young fans who clamour for their metallic heroes as they once did baseball stars.

The Babe Ruth of the near-future is reigning champion Zeus, who is commanded by a fleet of Korean haircuts and the Brylcream they never leave home without. Their stylised, show-no-mercy aura is traditional arch nemesis fare, and it works just fine. Charlie once dreamt of competing in such fights, back before he wound up showboating for cash at a travelling fair. Sparring with a literal bull isn’t exactly what he had in mind for a career, nor that of his robot Ambush, whom he watches helplessly being tossed from the pen with a $20,000 bounty on his compacted head.

On the run from a shadowy promoter, Charlie heads to the city courthouse. A woman from his past has died, leaving him to care for a son he has never met. Ever the noble father, a deal is struck: in two months time, he is to deliver the boy to an aunt and uncle in New York, who are waiting with a cheque for $100,000. In the meantime, things get complicated. Young Max is far too precious and told-you-so, even when Charlie deserves it – which is often. The man doesn’t take any more kindly to lectures than his Japanese robot does instructions not to get hit upside the head. What they need is an older robot: a no-hoper they can work on together, perhaps find themselves a montage or three. So enters tomboy mechanic Bailey (Evangeline Lilly), as the cute gym sweats girl who just so happens to repair broken-down fighters and fall hopelessly for this lump’s Han Solo charms. They have a fun chemistry, although he is Hugh Jackman: a leading man who generates magnetism the way others do static.

Their championship hopes lay in a Frankenstein creation from the junk yard. He’s kinda muddy lookin’. As I watched, I had a recurring vision of an emphysema bot, huddled from the rain in an abandoned warehouse on the edge of town. He would have hauled up there sometime after the war, right around the time a new breed of robots rendered his kind obsolete. He’d sit upon a crate of WD-40 and tell stories about the old days; maybe throw in a little advice for the young upstart. He’d even have a fun little Randy Newman song named after him. Buddy And The Knockaround Gang, it would say. He’d be happy.

The whole ‘Jake Lloyd meets C3PO’ thing puts a fun spin on an old staple. The machines themselves are of a more agile and human construction than any of Michael Bay’s robotic marionettes, Transformers included. It helps, I think, that they’re restricted to mimicking the moves of their human operators, and can’t fly away at the first sign of trouble. They get broken up and defeated; slumped in their respective corners, begging for juice. They aren’t exactly the killing machines of our Skynet future, but they blend in pretty well with the grimy areas they’re deployed to. Optimus Prime always seemed a little too sparkle fresh.

For what it is, criticisms are pretty hard to come by. Bailey is reduced to the role of bar-propping commentator when she ought to be ringside. At two hours long, the film might be a little much for younger viewers. In either case, it’s mostly too much fun to worry about. A good-time fight to robot stardom, Real Steel is effortlessly entertaining, and even pulls a Rocky VI on us. Part Raging Bull, part Step Up 2: The Streets. All good fun.

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War Horse

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The Narracotts live in verdant countryside, upon stony ground of use to no man. Theirs is a working farm in the Disney sense, where ducks come to chase the creditors away and the horses prick their ears to the first sign of trouble. Evidentally, they belong to the same confederate that once built themselves a windmill, took a seat at the high table, and triumphed over ingrained classism at the country sheepdog trial.

Of the film’s many lively affections, the unlikeliest of all is a thoroughbred named Joey. Ted, the most pickled of all the Narracotts, had bid on him solely to spite his miserly landlord, who had taken something of a fancy to the animal. At an auction price three times that of a sturdy plough horse, much was expected of the family’s newest addition, starting with that stony field. The very next morning, their young son, Albert, afixes a plough and waits, expectantly. When that doesn’t work, he begins to whistle and hustle and crack his whip, and still the horse won’t budge. Joey – not one to suffer fools gladly – cranes his neck back as if to confirm that, yes, master really ought to have bought a plough for such a task. No matter. Just as soon as a crowd began to gather by the long fence, so too did dark clouds circle and break, transforming the frigid surface into mud even the most stubborn of thoroughbreds could churn.

If it sounds like a miracle, that’s because it is. War Horse has many of them. Joey was always meant for greater things than Devonshire turnip fields. In fact, he is rather like an equestrian Forrest Gump, destined to appear along the western front until taking a happenstance shot in the butt-ock. Along the way, he passes between generals, farm hands, and war-weary soldiers. He strays without regard to ideology or flag, belonging as equally to the English as to the Germans, Albert or a sweet French girl named Emilie. True to them all are scenes of breathtaking cinematography. On the eve of war, Joey is sold to a cavalry charge led by Captain Nicholls (Tom Hiddleston). A field of horses and her men emerge from the tall grass to race forward; an endless stream charging toward the German lines. Guns spin into life, as we knew they must. Few make it beyond them, fewer yet with their cargo still astride; strewn instead across bloodied French fields.

Steven Spielberg understands the futility of war more than most, and his recall of its many wastes is heartfelt. He departs from Saving Private Ryan in a more humble account of sodden trenches: of the men who filed into them so as to assail an enemy who, just moments before, had done much the same. The message is that of all movies: that war is hell, only made more so by the goodness that is sacrificed to it. Such senseless attrition is underscored when, almost inconceivably, two soldiers emerge from opposing trenches to exchange wire-cutters and submit to an act of selflessness that confounds our contemporary expectations of battle.

Adapted from the acclaimed novel by Michael Morpurgo, the film is less daring than its Broadway counterpart, but only by virtue of not being first. Spielberg and frequent collaborator Janusz Kaminski are ever masters of scale. Like Forrest Gump, War Horse takes the long road back to the beginning, and only in arriving do we realise how far we’ve come. All those individual moments along a fantastical journey, united by a horse of remarkable beauty and courage, who is loved without exception. I like to think his many keepers recognised in him some unspoilt grace, and were duly burdened by what war asks of such creatures. Or maybe Joey was simply another mute tool, all the better to drag heavy artillery with. I suspect the uncomfortable truth is that such feelings were not exclusive: that men like Nicholls could love and condemn their steed in the same dissonant breath.

A collaboration with Richard Curtis was always going to be supremely earnest. Sometimes the skies seem too clear; events implausible even for a children’s parable. All true enough. War Horse is undeniably aimed at the widest possible audience, with timeless themes that will ensure a life far beyond its theatrical run. A beguiling tale of a boy and his horse must necessarily throw cynicism to the wind if it is to do justice to its universal appeal. It is never malicious or base. It is, in every sense of the word, a family film for a time that has come to treat such things with quite dispiriting contempt.

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